


Ryuk's Note

by sweet_lovin_zombie



Series: Death Note on Crack [2]
Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms
Genre: Crack, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-20
Updated: 2018-10-20
Packaged: 2019-08-05 00:17:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16356977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweet_lovin_zombie/pseuds/sweet_lovin_zombie
Summary: Ryuk is just enjoying a peaceful night floating through Light's room, when he finds out his favorite human has been plotting his demise.





	Ryuk's Note

It was a peaceful night at the Yagami household. Ryuk, being a Shinigami, didn’t need to sleep, so he usually just floated around, watching the Yagami family in their various stages of rest. Sometimes he would take all the spoons out of the kitchen or rearrange all the toothbrushes. Oh how he loved practical jokes. 

At this particular moment, Ryuk was staring intently at Light as he tossed and turned. Despite all of Ryuk’s otherworldly god-ness, he could not read minds, so he had no way of knowing what Light was dreaming about. Not that he particularly cared, but… it would be nice to know why Light always looked so constipated when he slept… 

Giving a sigh of boredom, Ryuk looked around the room, and happened to glance at Light’s backpack. He promptly noticed the corner of the Death Note sticking out of it. 

Oh, he thought, I was off doing death god stuff today. Let’s see what that little scamp has been up to in my absence… 

Whistling a tune about apples, he floated over and extracted the Death Note. As he flipped through, he just saw more of the usual. Criminals that Light thought deserved to be killed. The occasional FBI agent that got too close to the truth. Ryuk found it a little boring that Light seldom got creative with his killing methods, mostly relying on mere heart attacks, but what could he do. 

He was about to put the book back and continue his drifting when he noticed something odd. At the back of the book, there was a small section that didn’t lie flush against the other pages. He turned to the end, wondering if Light had carelessly let the pages get scrunched up in his bag… but he realized that instead it was a handful of pages that had been stapled together. 

Nimbly (or as nimbly as is possible for a Shinigami with massive claws for hands) Ryuk pulled the staples out and flipped the first page open… and gasped. 

‘Ryuk Ryuk Ryuk Ryuk Ryuk…’ was written out, probably hundreds of times, covering one… two… three… four… five… even more pages! As he continued on, methods of death were listed. 

‘Falls from building… Blood loss… Spontaneous combustion…’ 

And the further he got, the more gruesome they got… 

‘Eaten alive by fire ants… Covered by papercuts… Forced to listen to Frozen Soundtrack on repeat…’ 

Ryuk’s heart pounded at that last one. He did not want to be told to Let it Go over and over again until he died! 

He continued to flip through fourteen pages of his name and intended deaths, feeling more and more betrayed as he read each one. They were becoming more and more personal! 

‘Dies of fright after seeing reflection… Accidentally bites off tongue while talking… Floats onto highway…’ 

And then, on the last page… 

‘Chokes to death on apple core.’ 

Ok now he was really mad. That one was just terrible! 

Ryuk clenched the Death Note in anger before floating over to Light’s sleeping form. Grabbing the edge of the mattress with one hand, Ryuk yanked it upward and Light tumbled out onto the floor. 

“I didn’t hide the spoons!” Light shouted as he jumped to his feet. He stared around in confusion for a moment, taking in the overturned mattress, and Ryuk’s glaring face, “Oh hey Ryuk, what’s hangin?” 

Ryuk snarled, “Me apparently!” he gestured angrily at page nine, which stated clearly, ‘hangs self on iPod charger.’ 

“Oh…” Light muttered, “That uh… that’s not mine.” 

“Oh really?” 

“Yeah!” Light nodded vigorously, “It… uh… it’s L’s! Yeah! He totally has it in for you!” 

Ryuk scrunched his face in confusion, “L? But why would he--” 

“Because he’s jealous!” Light insisted, “You pull off the aloof-loner-who’s pale as a ghost-has-wild-black-hair-and-really-intense-eyes look way better than he does!” 

Ryuk thought about it and realized that Light was right! That little sugar-loving freak was out to get him! 

Not wasting anymore time, Ryuk swiftly flew out of Light’s window and made his way over to L’s place. He entered the fancy hotel suite, Death Note in hand and ready to take down some names! 

He found the little hermit in the living room doing pilates. Ryuk almost dropped the book in surprise. He loved pilates too! He would have been angry at L for cramping his style, but his love for pilates was such that he forgot his anger and joined L, doing leg kicks too. 

They worked out together for a while, L completely unaware of his workout partner, when suddenly, L stilled. He stopped doing his corkscrews and got to his feet. 

“Watari!” he called. 

Seconds later, an elderly fellow poked his head out of the kitchen, 

“Yes?” 

“Turn on my jam,” L demanded, before resuming his corkscrews. 

Watari nodded, “As you wish sir,” he clicked on the stereo and then music was blasting through the hotel room. 

Ryuk gasped… it was… it was… 

Shawty got them applebottom jeans! Boots with the fur! 

This was Ryuk’s jam too! He loved songs about apple-related things! 

Tears started to gather in Ryuk’s eyes as he realized that this human was so much better than stupid Light! He loved all the things Ryuk did! Ryuk decided to give him a big hug, and lunged forward for one… only to go right through him and promptly fall through the floor. 

It was then that he… 

Lost all the blood in his body, spontaneously combusted, was attacked by a swarm of fire ants, was covered in papercuts, heard the Frozen soundtrack blasted on repeat, saw his reflection and was terrified, bit off his tongue while trying to calm himself down, hung himself on his iPod charger, floated onto the highway while trying to escape… and many more deaths followed. 

By the time he choked on that apple core he’d been saving for later, he knew one thing for sure: Light was gonna pay… Ryuk would never Let it Go!


End file.
